He’s here! Better late than never!

Well, our unmediated vbac didn’t go exactly as planned!
With a scheduled c-section hanging over my head for Monday the third, starting last Wednesday I decided to do what I could to get our overdue baby moving out on his own. First I started with taking evening primrose tablets to thin my cervix. I also visited a prenatal chiropractor for a pelvic adjustment in order to make space for baby to drop. On Thursday morning I went in to my OB. I was dilated to 1 at 41 weeks so she swept my membranes too. We also discussed my scheduled c-section.
I then went to the mall and walked for about 45 minutes.
That evening I started having contractions that were consistent and increasing in intensity until they were 6-8 minutes apart . I decided to try to get some sleep at 11 or so and was able to fall asleep but then my contractions stopped too.
On Friday morning I was a little disappointed but decided to mall walk again to get things moving.
That seemed to help as contractions started up right after lunch. I also
lost a lot more of my mucous plug. My contractions got steadily stronger until 11 pm when they were 4-6 minutes apart. I also had a pink watery discharge that I thought might be a slowly leaking water bag. We called our hospital and they asked us to come in.
Once we got there, they first took vitals and checked for amniotic fluid. Since it was there they wanted me to stay but they agreed to only intermittent fetal monitoring so we could labor moving around and using the big jetted bath. (with vbacs they generally require monitoring in case there are problems.)
Unfortunately, after that long day of contractions, 11 hours at that point I was only at 1.5 dilation and only 50% effaced. As the night progressed my contractions increased in intensity. By 6 pm the next day though, my cervix was still only at 2. We were obviously frustrated and I was beginning to struggle with managing my pain through natural method. (This was now 29 hours into labor with almost no progression.)
By 9 pm I was exhausted, in a lot of pain, and hadn’t eaten in over a day. I asked for Stradol (sp?) which they said would help me relax between contractions.
I took that and it helped for a while. I was finally able to rest while still using my Bradley method techniques. Unfortunately again, we had very little progression.
By 4 am the Stradol was not touching my pain and I had been in transition for six hours. I was double peaking with contractions and they were 2-3 minutes apart but lasting over a minute each. They checked me and at this point I was dilated to 3-4. I was 90% effaced but my dilation combined with 39 hours of no sleep, no food and continuosly strengthening contractions had me done with my unmedicated plan. I asked for an epidural in order to get some relief. The doctor also thought I had been in pain for so long that my body was fighting against itself and that might be why baby wasn’t descending. I was finally dilated to 6 but baby was high still.
FYI- at this point my “vocalisations of pain” were more sobbing and low screams. And Bear was falling asleep between each one so his coaching was falling apart a bit.
So. The epidural was fabulous after this many hours of active labor. I say this as an advocate of unmedicated births. You know your body best and I had pushed mine too far. Because the relief was so immediate, I was able to sleep for a full two hours. Bear did the same. We woke refreshed and ready to go. Except, of course, that I was still only at 6. My cervix was much “stretchier” and I was finally effaced but the baby hadn’t dropped still. So then we started pitocin (drugs are a slippery slope of intervention but I honestly believe we still made the right decisions.)
The pitocin started contractions back up that I could feel very strongly through the epidural. This went on for 5 more hours. At noon they checked and I had dilated one more centimeter to 7 but was actually thickening. Like my body decided to be done. Baby was staying in. I was actually happy to get going in the csection now as it would mean a final end to 48 straight hours of labor. And those pitocin induced contractions are a bitch.
Now. Wasn’t that a long terrible birth story? But not to worry. You, like us are to be rewarded. Meet Baby Bax. Born after five and a half years of trying to make him, 41 and a half weeks of gestation, and 48 full hours if labor plus major surgery. Way to keep us waiting.


And the reason my body shut down that birth was that we had a 10lb 8.4 oz baby with a 15 inch chest. He never would have made it the way of the vag. ūüėČ


Still pregnant.

4 days past due. And I know the due date is a guess really, but I am ready to meet this baby already. I’ve been walking a lot. Today I baked labor cookies and ate 6 (don’t judge.). Saw the doctor today and NOTHING. Not dilated, not engaged, only a slight softening to the cervix. I’ve had a few random contractions this week but nothing that goes anywhere. I wouldn’t mind, but I’m on a time crunch here. Doctor won’t let me go much longer for a vbac with such a big baby. She’s giving me until next Monday and then it is caesarean number two, never mind the twelve weeks of Bradley classes we drove an hour each way to attend. In Wisconsin!
Anyway. Getting a little anxious to get the party started. And it is not helping that I am super big so everyone who sees me either looks startled and worried or intensely amused.
Hope all of you are well! Want to share any homeopathic remedies to get me going? (And don’t say sex. I honestly don’t think I could make that work with this giant belly in the way.). ūüėČ

Okay, well I suck kinda.

I think I really thought I would be able to keep up with this, but seriously? ¬†My last post was before Christmas! ¬†Oh well, y’all are still here, anyway. ¬†

Here things are good. We are in week nine of our Bradley classes and I’m really enjoying most of it. ¬†They, like most natural childbirth philosophies, tend to go a bit over the top. ¬†I am obviously there because I believe an unmedicated birth is best and I want to have the tools to achieve that. ¬†I do not need to hear how drugs in childbirth lead to drug addiction and jail. ¬†My parenting (and life in general) tends more toward, let’s do our best to make good choices and give ourselves a little grace if the best isn’t always where we land. ¬†Speaking of that, have you read this? ¬†http://www.renegademothering.com/2014/01/16/hey-hi-i-want-off-all-mothering-teams/ ¬†Hilarious. ¬†And yes. ¬†Me too. ¬†

Along with classes, we are getting ready by finishing the baby’s room. ¬†I had a shower with family which was actually kind of weird. ¬†Only around 10 people showed up. ¬†Among those who didn’t were EVERYONE on my dad’s side of the family, including his girlfriend and her daughter who had originally offered to host. ¬†I don’t know what the hell that was about-if they were offended when I asked that we just do a single family shower and combine? ¬†At ay rate, none of my aunts or cousins came either and I have attended at least half of theirs and RSVP’d when I couldn’t. ¬†I honestly don’t mind at all if they couldn’t make it, but a response would have been nice. ¬†Just weird. ¬†So I spent my shower feeling all paranoid that I had inadvertently offended an entire branch of the family and nobody was telling me. ¬†But, whatever. ¬†The people who came were fun. ¬†In two more weeks, I have my local friends/ work baby shower. ¬†At first I wasn’t sure we should even have a shower. ¬†We have a lot of what we need because I was so reluctant to get rid of things from Bup since I was so sure we would have another baby soon. ¬†But now that Bear has been out of work for two months with his chemo treatment, some of those things I needed to or wanted to replace are adding up. ¬†If my friends and family buy a few onesies, or stock us up on bath supplies, or even just get something cute and fun for baby, it will all help. ¬†And, on the plus side, if they don’t or can’t, we have the essentials so that helps my stress level. ¬†On a lighter note, here is our cat, who seems to believe we suddenly have invested in some fantastic new pet beds.

Image    Image


Our remodel is still not completed, but after I had a mini-nervous breakdown at the idea of spending another weekend at home while my husband and his dad worked on the upstairs, Bear agreed we needed some family time to ourselves. ¬†So, on Saturday, we hopped in the car and took Bup out to one of the bigger cities where we played at an arcade, had some fantastic food, went and saw a movie and just enjoyed each other’s company. ¬†It was some much needed relaxation. ¬†With my 36 month, wait week, pregnancy discomfort, a constant barrage of company, Bear’s chemo and illness, and this RIDICULOUS f-ing cold outside, I was really starting to lose it. I feel much better. ¬†And, today was another snow/ too cold to operate day for the town, so we stayed home and I actually wrote out our birth plan and packed the baby’s bag for the hospital. ¬†My bag is about half packed as I still need a lot of the stuff I would put in there.

And finally, since I know this is getting to be WAY too long (see, update more frequently and this would not be an issue!) I am going to share our baby name which we finally, finally came to an agreement on this past month. ¬†Yes, the baby who lately feels like a cat tied in a pillowcase is….Baxter Arlo. ¬†I hope you all love it as much as we do. ¬†I keep picturing a toddler wearing glasses with that name, so it may be a little hipster, but that’s okay. ¬†

Hope you all are having a fabulous winter.  I will try to be a better blogger.  

Circle + Bloom Discount Code!

Also, I have the download of the IVF one and am willing to give it away. I think I can email the file.

Forever Infertile


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During my IVF cycle, I listened to the Circle + Bloom meditation program for IUI/IVF almost every day. It’s a wonderful program! I credit it with keeping me calm and (relatively) stress-free through my IVF experience. What I loved the most about it was that it helped me visualize what my body was doing at each stage.

IVF/IUI Mind-Body Program

This program is meant to be used in combination with an advanced medicated cycle, which can be emotionally and physically draining. Feel in greater control over your fertility success. There are 18 different sessions including special sessions for the trigger/egg extraction, transfer procedure and the two week-wait.

When I got my BFP, I purchased their pregnancy program, which is just as detailed at the IUI/IVF program, with specific meditations for each week 5 through 13, and each…

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It’s been awhile!

Hi all-long time, no chat! ¬†We’ve had a crazy month here. ¬†

First, some good news! ¬†Our remodel is ALMOST done. ¬†Or at least, we are all sleeping in bedrooms again. ¬†The baby’s room is still a work in progress but is coming along nicely. ¬†Here’s Bup’s room so far. ¬†We still need trim and closet doors, but it is so nice to have our own spaces again!



This past week, I flunked my first glucose test and was panicking about gestational diabetes.  As a vegetarian, looking at the recommended diet for it, there was very little left for me to eat!  Fortunately, when I went back for my 3 hour test, everything came back normal.  

Bear and I started Bradley Method classes this week, too.  The first one seemed good.  The other couples were nice and it seemed like the class will be good for us in trying to prepare for an unmedicated VBAC.  

We did get some fucktastically rotten news this week, and that is that Bear’s cancer is back. ¬†He has CLL¬†for those who don’t know. ¬†This is obviously awful all on its own. ¬†While the cancer alone isn’t life threatening at this stage, it is chronic so it will continue to return and could mutate into a more deadly cancer one of these times. ¬†This is Bear’s second round. ¬†So, he is back to chemo on a three week cycle. ¬†He tolerates the chemo okay, but starting in the midst of my third trimester mostly means he is going to feel cruddy most of the time. ¬†I had selfishly expected to rely on him more and more as we get close to our due date and I will actually need to step it up myself instead. ¬†When he’s nauseous and exhausted, he obviously isn’t going to want to cook and clean, and the work he was doing (transit for the city-mostly driving around old sick people) isn’t doable in his condition, so he won’t be able to work either. ¬†Fantastic to lose that income right before the holidays. ¬†Additionally, it looks like the chemo will probably run right through the birth of the baby. ¬†We’re both hoping he can finish early, but can’t count on that. ¬†On the plus side, this is a treatable if incurable cancer, so he WILL go back into remission. ¬†It s a few months of suck for a few years of health. ¬†So we will get through it, and we know what to expect now, so we won’t be as blindsided by what it does to him, to our relationship, and our lives in general. (The first round of this was rough and pretty emotionally exhausting.) ¬†But everything will be alright eventually. ¬†And there’s always the possibility that someone will find a damn cure before it comes around again. ¬†After all, it IS a cancer that old white men get more than any other population, so of course, there is lots of research on it.

I think that about brings everyone up to speed.  A big congrats to my friend Jess at http://everylittlethingsgonnabealright.wordpress.com/ and her BFP after MANY long years.  Hope all is well with the rest of you, too!  


Warning. Bitching about my long awaited pregnancy.

So, really.  I was so cocky going into this pregnancy.  With Bup, I LOVED being pregnant.  It was obnoxious.  I was cheerful-probably more even tempered than normal, active, no morning sickness, slept well, even felt like I looked good!  Honestly, I was kind of awesome at being pregnant.  And it was this that made me want to be pregnant again ALMOST as much as I wanted another baby.  I would have gone the adoption route if that was the only way, but I really wanted to have my baby growing inside of me again.

My second pregnancy ended almost before it began, so I can’t compare that one. ¬†It was more about my hopes, expectations, and dreams, than anything concrete. ¬†And it beyond sucked to lose that baby for those reasons and my feelings of failing my husband who was battling cancer (for some reason me being pregnant was what I could DO to keep his spirits and those of the family up. ¬†Miscarrying was failing all of them.) ¬†But really, that baby was gone before I really felt a true connection to it as a separate little person.

Now. ¬†This baby I feel. ¬†He is active in ways I don’t remember Bup being active. ¬†He bounces on my internal organs in decidedly weird feeling ways. ¬†He is most awake when I am falling asleep or when I eat sugary treats. ¬†I love feeling him and talking to him and thinking about what he will be like.

But this pregnancy is actually kind of shitty. ¬†I am irritable and grouchy. ¬†Everybody annoys me. ¬†I am uncomfortable a LOT. ¬†My lower back hurts badly if I am in one position for only a little while and try to switch. ¬†My groin screams if I try to lift my body to roll over or sit up. ¬†If I walk purposefully for ANY length of time or space-across the room, one block down the road, up the stairs-I get strong braxton hicks that get progressively more uncomfortable and borderline painful if I try to move through it. ¬†I have to waddle already because of the back/ tailbone/ groin issues. ¬†I feel fat. ¬†Not my belly-I’m not worried about that, but my face, ass and thighs. ¬†I have no breath. ¬†I can go to yoga and try to do that once a week, but afterwards my back and groin are achy and worse. I know I should be getting more exercise. ¬†As a runner, I WANT to be more active. ¬†But how do I do that when it feels like this every time I try? ¬†And is this the 7 year age difference? ¬†30 to 37 must have some impact, right? ¬†Or is it just that it is a different pregnancy? ¬†Or is there something I should be doing to make it better? ¬†Or is it my payback for being an obnoxiously cheerful and healthy preggo the first time around?

For those with helpful advice, here is what I am already trying.  Body pillow/ multiple pillows.  Yoga.  Ignoring the uncomfortableness.  Sitting on a balance ball when the backache gets bad.  Lying to my friends and others about how I mostly feel great.

I’m sure all of you know I would put up with much worse than this if necessary. ¬†And I am thrilled to be in a position where I even get to bitch about this. ¬†But still. ¬†Annoying.

On a more positive note, Bup turned 7 yesterday.  He had an awesome birthday and loved his Iron Man cake.